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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in stain boy's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 23rd, 2012
3:01 pm
between twitter, tumblr, and facebook, this corner of the interwebs serves little purpose. perhaps that might change, but for now, find me elsewhere if you're so inclined. word.

hearts & sparkles y'all!

Current Mood: snuggly
Monday, June 6th, 2011
2:35 pm
to be updated as i find time/this might become a zine...
things i assumed were common sense but have learned in the last year or so that apparently they aren't:

1. there will always be exceptions to every rule and that is usually awesome
2. someone having a different opinion/lifestyle choice/method for or ability to do a task/etc. than you, does not mean that yours are wrong or invalid.
3. if you're busy with tasks a, b, and c to the point that you don't have time or energy for much else, but task d needs to get done: accept that you can't reasonable do task d, therefore other people will, and thus it might not go exactly as it would have if you were involved.
4. the vast majority of people in most situations have no interest in actually causing you trouble, many of them actively want to contribute to your happiness or at least maintain civility; keep this in mind when they fuck up. people will fuck up, expecting them not to sets them up for it.
5. everyone is, at times, sad/cranky/hypocritical/bratty/mean/flaky/other suck qualities that are generally attributed to bad people. that is fucking annoying, but only a serious problem when it's the other person's default state, or they decide it is. whichever happens first.
6. probably the biggest difference between adults and children is the ability to take responsibility for your feelings and actions
7. personal growth is often painful, things that are good in the long run sometimes suck in the moment. this does not mean you should stop, but there's no harm in taking a break.
8. everyone is entitled to their opinion. that means you can think, feel, and say basically whatever you want, because trying not to will backfire. it never means you can be an asshole without consequence.
9. if people do you a favour because you genuinely need help, be fucking grateful - no, celebratory. it may not go exactly as you'd like, because someone else is doing it, but someone else is doing it so you don't have to.
10. being measurably 'better' than someone else is a terrible way to gauge your progress/determine your self-worth. it's a great way to alienate people and never feel satisfied.
11. seriously, no body commentary ever.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Monday, August 23rd, 2010
1:12 pm
i loathe conflict and bullshit in fairly equal amounts. the latter is a source of pride and rather successful coping mechanism. the former is my kryptonite.

less cryptic translation: bullshit has reached intolerable levels and i'm going to put on my big girl pants and deal with it like a motherfucking adult to the best of my ability. but that might mean conflict, which i know is not necessarily a problem and that at this point i'd much rather have that than more of the bullshit, but it's still making me go all >:{ (that's supposed to look like an angry wrinkly-nosed pouty face).

it's finally not a trillion degrees out
i've got a lot of ideas. now it's just about making them happen
the above bullshit/conflict will hopefully be a good learning experience
a nice bath after work, so good
i live with the best cats ever. watching them nom chunks of meat is the cutest.
my brother made this. the name was my idea
if all goes as planned i'll get tattooed this winter
good hair days lately
new meds are a lot better so far

Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
4:42 pm
my good deed of the day
i'm making this public cos why the fuck not.

i've never been a fan of anything amanda palmer's done, and this only solidifies that. jason webley, i've loved for the last 5 years or so, and it's sad to see him fall in with a bad crowd; i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt until/unless he pulls more fuckedupshit.

anyway, amanda pulled some ableist wankery on the internet, and is refusing to actually apologize because she's an artist and therefore untouchable. my comment, which might not get approved because it's pretty clear how she feels about people with actual disabilities and actual sexual abuse survivors who don't find cutesy irony to be empowering:

Read more...Collapse )

life's pretty good otherwise. quiet, but no real complaints, and is bound to pick up soon :)

Current Mood: disgusted
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
6:39 pm
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
10:23 am
kvetching about mental health and sped-shameCollapse )

posi = tried something new and learned from it and survived, earned a day off at least physically, downtime with the family at the end of the month, planning to get some chores done and be good to myself today, i think i'm actually doing ok financially, birthday soonish, have some promising gigs lined up, still don't have a boss, might see the devil makes three on saturday if i can pull it off (maybe i should just make it a priority cos i haven't done that in a while and even though i don't deserve treats from a posi-reinforcement angle i do need something to psych myself up over...i'll see), i can work with leeanne again where i'm a lot more comfortable and confident

Current Mood: scared
Monday, October 5th, 2009
12:18 am
?/+leeanne suckered me into twitter. it's kind of fun actually, if for no other reason than now i know what mc hammer and margaret cho are up to lately
?work has been a mixed bag. still beats a day job though
???/-i got called skinny for the first time...pretty much ever, outside of maybe a faux-polite context. i don't even know where to begin; it wasn't meant as a complement (and i wouldn't take it as one anyway), more of a 'i'm a man and therefore have access to really specific information about your body, and while i'm at it i'm going to insult your friend, blahdiblah flaunt male privilege' thing. but hello my own smaller-end-of-fattycakes privilege. oy. for the sake of minimizing wankery: jerky menz are jerky, i'm pretty damn adorable cos i say so, and patriarchy needs to die posthaste
?/+sudden change of idea for my cephalopod sleeve
?i think my dad, who's a total luddite and doesn't use computers, figured out how to check and answer emails on my mom's mobile-with-the-internets device
+greasy chinese food
+the mighty boosh
-i'm running quite low on prescription speed, no sign of replacement in the mail or at the pharmacy. shitfucks. still no insurance, so i can't access a source for prescription speed that's less clusterfucky. boo whine kvetch about it now and call the right folx tomorrow morning, hopefully sort shit out
?contemplating a craigslist missed connection post, if i don't feel too creepy about it
+++really nice/respectful tippers make up for the chodes
?might work at a huge party thrown by a local roti assembler. good for publicity
+jack black is very attractive
?i found some adorable super warm long johns on the interwebs for cheap, so i ordered a pair to wear under costume in colder weather. got an email saying it was sent to number 79 on my street, instead of where i live. my life is a farce
+but better a farce than a tragedy
+autumn without school, still ruling
?/+i guess this is being an adult? i'm kind of into it
+oh hey, tattoo in the nearish future, that fucking rules
+going back to mom-land for danksgiving, which sucks because i could be making moneys, but also pretty rad cos there'll be free food and maybe serious chilling and probably some debauchery
?i ought to be asleep

Current Mood: silly
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
11:52 pm
-i am a huge ditz
+but i'm good at admitting i'm wrong without being a doormat; considering how many stubborn trolls i've encountered over the years i think that's a very good thing
?definitely a little burnt out on l'anarchie de boston...which is weird yet good to admit
+really good conversation with matt, and he gave me a ride home
+4 july went really well
+work in general has been better, everything looks amazing and the weather's cleared up a bit
+it's nice to be able to reflect on how you've grown with people
+i'm also good at putting wanky theoretical concepts into blunt simple terms
-i appear to have poor cardiovascular health, but only when in dr's offices. in my everyday life i feel pretty fine
-still haven't found a local psychiatrist
+geo's helping me move on thursday, which is a perfect excuse to eat delicious food at some fun restaurant. hmmm, there must be a good pho place in dorchester...
+i managed to get like 99% of my dresser ready for moving today, and organized a lot of room stuff. stuff like that can be incredibly difficult for me, so i'm extra proud and happydancy when i do it without too much trouble
+thinking about seeing my shrink less regularly, it's getting sort of weird being like 'hmm i don't know i guess i want to work on...um, yeah i guess i'm stressed about moving and the rain and stuff' every week
?i feel like an adult, almostsortakinda. in a good way
+bananas with sugary peanut butter
+i don't want to get a ead of myself here, but i do feel like i've let go of a lot of things that were holding me back (literally and figuratively), and that's pretty rad
?ha, when did i get all zen and shit
+worth repeating: i know some rad folx
+really stoked for my squid sleeve in a few months, especially cos i'm being smart about it and working on that whole delayed gratification thing. but holy fuck this is going to rule
+recent conversations have made me realize how good a direction my life is actually going in, despite some inevitable moments of madness here and there
+actually talking about/with feelings with people who actually have something vaguely resembling boundaries and not feeling all drained/violated/unsafe but rather like my squishyemofeeliness and my cold hard analysis are good things to be appreciated and respected. holy runonsentence mcbonerchomp batman, so much better than the alternative
+i have sprouted calf muscles
-i've lost 4 lbs since april when i last got on a scale. losing weight makes me nervous, cos last time that happened significantly it's cos i was pretty sick. while i'm quite delighted by how far outside the mainstream my line of reasoning is, being nervous is dumb

Current Mood: happy
Friday, May 29th, 2009
12:54 am
+ran into an old smfa classmate at the bus stop. he rather intimidated me at the time, seemed super critical/cocky/br00tal, but he was quite nice and seemed interested in what i was up to and all that. he used to be a security guard at faneuil and remembered the gold pirate. he has website-making skills. it was a nice little interaction, felt good
+casey's back in town, had a crazy dance party on his birthday. saw eric lee again, which was fun
-eric's roommate is a little creepy though
+might work in providence tomorrow night
-my current health insurance seems to only work for things i don't actually use , and magically disappear regarding things i need (prescription coverage and the dr appointments that lead to said prescriptions). ugh.
?yeah, hopefully i'll have access to brain-pills while out of the country, i don't want to think about trying to statue without them
+random text messages from matt at odd hours. they colour my world
+james. he's a mensch and deserves cake
+might try to go to a show this weekend. and june's baam meeting, to not lose touch completely
+actually pretty excited to move, just need to tie up some loose ends
+i forgot that my tufts i.d. says i graduate in 2010. hello another year of student discounts!
-the mission hill milk crate spot seems to no longer exist. darn
-our stands are being silly, to the point that it's dangerous to work at faneuil
+but park street's been good to us
+working the dorchester day parade in about a week, hopefully that'll go well
-some weird guy tried to either make aggressive small talk, or casually hit on me, on the b line. it was a little gross
?i haven't made any 'fine art' in a while. but i'm sure i will soon
?my diploma's sort of m.i.a. but last i heard it was just mailed, so hopefully it'll be smooth sailing from now on
?not sure if the hasidic little boy haircut will be easier to pin back/cover up than the louise brooks one...part of me wants to get rid of my bangs just to prove i can. why yes i get dorky over haircuts, cos i'm secretly vain and ridiculous
?i should probably be asleep
?i feel like i have 5659869844243970 other things hanging over my head that i need to be doing, but i can't think of what...
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
12:47 pm
"happiness is the best revenge"
-pansy division

Current Mood: better
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
12:33 am
awesome weekend. put lots of things back in alignment/perspective. it's good to be hippie-ish every so often.

i want to throat sing.

Current Mood: good
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
7:29 pm
travelling is pretty rad so far, even though i'm thinking a lot and sometimes being dumb. just got back from spending a few days in asheville with amazing people. vegan boston bill asked me when i was moving there, aw. i'm at pat's friend's house in south carolina now, being internerdy and playing with a silly high-strung chihuahua and eating peanut butter with a spoon and maybe drinking whiskey. hopefully i'll make some good arts once i'm back and get awesome about that. life's pretty good all things considered.

Current Mood: silly
Monday, January 12th, 2009
12:55 pm
"Jump in to that water, is it cold or is it hot,
or is it nothing quite worth mentioning at all.
Hearts they will awaken, to remember fears of breaking
but all animals must answer to their call

It's like how when I try to write a song, sometimes the words just come out wrong,
but if I never picked the pen up, held inside and never shared
And oh was that so eloquent, it wasn't really what I meant,
at least you got the notion that I care

And a song well sung is a sung well song so sing.
If nothing else you must remember that you’re still breathing

So we ignore those body parts that get so wet and get so hard,
and focus on our beating hearts, your arm to hold me here to guard me
I can sleep alone tonight, I feel weird but that's alright
I'm learning not to think too much, I turn the lights out and sleep tight

And if I make a big mistake, if anything well then it wont take
forever just to find myself again. In a subjective sense we've sense
we've seen a lot, yeah we make the best of what we've got
all we are is everything and everyone we've ever been so..

Tell me not to fall in love with you
And frankly my friend I think that's the sweetest thing you do

Summer in my town is nice, my front porch is my paradise
and I can sit here every night, yes I can watch the world go by,
and know that I'm in motion to occasionally think of you
and just hope that you realize that when you sit here by my side
whatever that implies will be just fine
My heart beats like a tambourine that plays along in time. "

-nana grizol
Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
1:42 pm
oh man vyvanse is the shiiiiit

Current Mood: i'll tell you later
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
12:21 pm
some key snippets, severely paraphrased
"i hate consensus"

"...and then i told the nun, 'suck jesus' dick!"

austin: "this cake is really good, i don't care that it's burned'
me: 'yr going to make an excellent husband some day"

"r. smelly!"

'our cat is like snoop dogg, but with different hair'

in other news i'm making friends, corrupting isaiah via 'bill and ted' movies and 'married with children', and seeing a good dr today that will hopefully improve things, and perhaps see 'milk' as well

Current Mood: bouncy
Thursday, December 25th, 2008
1:25 pm
i'm 23. when the fuck did that happen?

today's been good though.

miss all the bostonkids. but the change of scenery is nice. going to brattleboro tomorrow. should be rad.

so yeah, happy today if you do that sort of thing, to the extent that you do

edit: holy shit i am crunx. crunx enough to invent strip dreidel. think it'll catch on

Current Mood: content
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
8:41 pm
oh hey i'm a college graduate.

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
8:56 pm
ugh, i'm at the point where i can pretty much do only one thing per day without burning out. it's cool, i'll go to bed early and then lock myself in my room with attention span pills and art supplies tomorrow. same deal thursday, except i'll also make cupcakes. here's hoping there isn't huge amounts of precipitation on friday. so close. and then i'm fucking done.

all things considered though, my life pretty much rules.

i met another awesome queer greek radical. and people even gave me money for the patches i made.

Current Mood: drained
Friday, December 12th, 2008
2:06 pm
+i definitely have lots of art made
+being happydrunk
+basically going on tour with a musician i like. which sounds lots more groupie-ish than 'travelling with a friend'
+so i should totally learn greek
+andrew getting way into the spice girls
+dance parties
+getting danced upon by some dude and not trying to hook up with him, cos though i like that stuff a lot i wasn't up for it at the moment. sounds like no big deal, but it's a less than fabulous habit broken, so yay that
+meeting/gettin awesome with fancy and garth and probably a cat
+hoping to maybe sell the greek solidarity patches at lpc
+chaos (for lack of a better word) seems to be working in my favour. my spidey-sense is tingling towards the awesome, and it feels good
+my asymmetrical dimples
+geeking out (er, 'conversing') about music with matt

?people who are in some ways exactly what you want in a partner but in some ways are exactly what you don't
?isaiah's thirteen, holy fucking crackmonkeys
?everything in the pictures and videos of all the rad greek activity looks so familiar
?weird-ass fuckin dreams; some with a recurring theme that i'm a tad squicked by
?bettie page died

-sure hope i don't run out of spoons!
-i've wasted so much time today, oy
-seeking sustainable-ish employment once i'm back in boston, during a fucking recession...i'm sure it'll work out, but still, nervous-making
-i still shed a small mammal every day
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
1:19 am
i wish i knew how to be ok with the fact that sometimes i run out of spoons and can't exactly do everything i'm 'supposed' to all the time to the extent that i 'should' or would like to. self imposed guilt trips are the dumb. on the flip side, sometimes i don't always make the wisest choices. i am pretty good about changing things i think need to be changed once i realize it's an issue and overcome some inertia though.

two weeks of crunch time and then i can finally breathe and play for a spell. halle fuckin lujah! it's pretty much guaranteed i'd getting happily shitfaced starting the evening of the 19th or so. aah, sweet release.

i made a metric ton (well, like 60 or 70-ish) b.a.a.m. patches. pretty proud. would've heat-set them tonight, but i needed to shut off my brain a bit.

uh, what do y'all want for my birthday (no, that's not a typo)?
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